Salt In Laws
by NickyFox13
Summary: "You are cordially invited to the wedding in which Tanaka Saeko and Tsukishima Akiteru will be bonded together in holy matrimony. Please RSVP ASAP to witness this sacred event, taking place on-" Over Ryuu and Kei's cold, dead, lifeless bodies will this ever happen. (Unfortunately, to their dismay, this will still go forward, whether they like it or not.)


**A/N: The Tsukishimas and the Tanakas are easily my favorite characters. The mental image of Tsukki and Ryuu being sarcastic jackasses because they're in-laws hasn't left my head and thus, this was born. Please review, and enjoy.**

* * *

i

Tanaka Ryuunosuke got the marriage invitation during his second year of university, right after finishing a brutal pop quiz. His first instinct, upon hearing this news written in flashy gold calligraphy on fancy navy blue cardstock, was hysteria. (Worst of all, he could picture Saeko having too much fun decorating this invitation; the gaudiness suits her.) This was a pretty reliable instinct of Ryuu's to act out upon, as these emotions ended just as intensely as they began. Plus, it rarely ended in vandalism or self-destruction, which was a bonus.

Saeko was getting married to Tsukishima Akiteru, of all people! The knowledge felt like it hit him like ton of bricks.

It wasn't like the relationship came out of nowhere, as they dated during Ryuu's third year of high school and they were pretty damn devoted to each other. Their love was pure and sappy. Nonetheless, at this very moment, Ryuu freaked out at the mental image of sassy, fiercely independent, unromantic Saeko married.

Upon calming down long enough to admire the gorgeous intricacies of the invitation and to fully process what happened, Ryuu called Noya, who reacted just as intensely as Ryuu which was strangely comforting; typical Noya, to react with the same intensity as Ryuu. That was why they've still remained friends: the fact that they can feel in the same way and with the same amount of strength without questions or judgments. Their energies were usually in sync, even after graduating high school and attending vastly different universities.

"It's not like I hate Akiteru or anything…" Ryuu started to say.

"I feel like the next statement coming out of your mouth is gonna start with 'but' and end with some kind of complaint," Noya predicted with what must've been a smirk and Ryuu pouted.

"Let me be judgmental in peace and behind Saeko's back for once in my life," Ryuu counters. He knows the cracking weakness of his voice makes him sound like a moron, but Noya made an exaggerated sighing sound. He let out a small, low laugh.

"Whatever, bro...Just get all of this venting off your chest in the next eight minutes, I've got class, and I don't wanna be late," Noya said with what seemed like too much of an acerbic tone to Ryuu and it's unlike him to sound like that. Ryuu would be offended if Noya wasn't right. "I know it's a big deal for your sentimental, salty ass. Don't forget that I love Saeko and think it's weird too," he added.

"Saeko's marrying Tsukishima Kei's older brother. It feels weird to be fearful that she's gonna turn all weird and hate me forever," Ryuu explained, and it's already a given that he was in full-panic mode. He wanted to talk with Saeko, but he feared what he'd say to her. He'd sound needy, petty even. But he couldn't deny that he was a needy, petty person at heart.

"It is pretty damn weird," Noya echoed, "But think of this way: you get instant access to viciously pranking Kei immediately for whatever idiotic things he pulls!"

"Huh," Ryuu said, "I never thought of it like that. This is why you're my best friend!" Noya grinned from ear to ear.

"You'd be nothing without me, my friend."

"As much as I hate to say it...It's time for your class. Talk to you later~"

"Keep me posted on this, Ryuu. Call me later."

Ryuu felt more confident than before, which probably wasn't saying much.

* * *

ii **  
**

Tsukishima Kei doesn't get a physical copy of the marriage invitation, because Akiteru hovers in the lobby on his university campus's main building just as Kei finishes his last class of the day.

"What're you doing here?" Kei asked, genuine surprise settling in his voice.

"I've got something important to invite you to," Akiteru said, all too solemn. Kei stared, blinking slow and confused and a touch anxious.

"Spit it out, why don't you," Kei said, keeping his tone curt in fear he'd let his emotions spill out. Vulnerability wasn't Kei's strong suite, never was and never would be.

"I'm getting married to Tanaka Saeko, and I'd like you to attend as my best man," Akiteru said, and Kei's blank stare said everything.

"For your sake, and not hers, I'll say yes." Akiteru, overwhelmed with emotion, embraced Kei. The intense emotion made Kei uncomfortable, but he dealt with it for this is the happiest Akiteru's been in ages. The love for his brother meant more than life itself, and he'd never voice that in a million years because Aki'd never let him live that down.

"You'll have an amazing time! Saeko's little brother Ryuu will be her maiden of honor-" Kei's sharp laughter interrupted Aki's babbling.

"What?" Akiteru asked and his innocence was pretty endearing.

"Nothing. I can't wait." To give Ryuu all the hell in the world for being the maiden of honor.

* * *

iii

Ryuu wouldn't hate wearing a suit and tie if he didn't feel like he was going to die of heat stroke. The tie choked him, smothering him into squirming silence. He was trapped inside the cage of formal wear, and he wouldn't be able to escape for an eternity.

"Stop squirming, moron," Kei admonished, stiff-backed and proud in his smug, condescending silent way.

"It's a rehearsal, so it's not like it matters," Ryuu dismissed, tugging at his obscenely bright cobalt blue tie yet again.

"...Do you realize that you spent the rehearsal dinner either asleep or intoxicated?" Kei observed, his posture still excellent and his face aggravating in its blankness. Ryuu snorted.

"You sound like my mother."

"Says the half-wit who's talking through through his sister's own wedding."

"Rude." Kei rolled his eyes at Ryuu's sarcasm.

"For pointing out the obvious?"

Saeko glared at Kei and Ryuu. This would be a long, long wedding.

* * *

"Look at them, being all in love," Ryuu barked scornfully, words slurring as he nursed an alcoholic drink. Saeko and Akiteru danced, so clearly in love it physically hurt to watch.

"They're getting married, I'd hope for that," Kei said, words equally as slurred. They were drunk and it was glorious. Except, of course, all Ryuu wanted to do was talk shit with Kei, whose wit would be greatly appreciated right now.

"Well, Saeko's too good for Akiteru," Ryuu hiccuped and Kei glared.

"Don't you mean the other way around?" Kei screeched.

"I know what I said, blondie." They watch Saeko and Akiteru gaze into each other's eyes lovingly, longingly. In unison, as Saeko and Akiteru look to Kei and Ryuu for acceptance, both Kei and Ryuu jokingly vomit. Saeko stuck her tongue out and Akiteru grinned sheepishly.

* * *

 **iv  
**

Even two months later, the Tsukishimas and the Tanakas gathered with lively energy as if they never stopped celebrating the wedding. Although Ryuu wasn't sure why celebrating a two-month anniversary was necessary, it made sense that there was excitement over Saeko and Akiteru moving in together into their own house. The place was snazzy and cozy, with lots of photos and posters brightening the room, distracting from the boring cream colored walls; knick-knacks made the house seem more lived in.

"I guess we're related now," Kei stated, as a greeting. Ryuu wasn't sure how to interpret this. It was strange, just as Kei was as a person.

"Your matter of fact tone pisses me off," Ryuu said, "and I can't explain why."

"Deal with it," Kei said with a shrug. Ryuu pouted.

"That's not how you greet your senpai!" Ryuu said, puffing his chest. Kei rolled his eyes.

"We're not in high school anymore, even though you may act like it," Kei said, and Saeko snickered.

"You're my sister, you're supposed to be on my side!" Ryuu squeaked, and Saeko shrugged.

"Can't disagree with that beanpole that's now my brother-in-law when he's telling the truth," Saeko said, and Ryuu could've sworn Kei beamed in pride.

"I got your sister's approval. I guess that means I'm staying related to you," Kei grinned.

"No matter how often you say we're related, the phrase still pisses me off," Ryuu sulked.

"Welcome to the family, bro," Akiteru said all too bright.

This was going to be a long, long life.


End file.
